No Straight Answers

Watch any politician on TV and when they’re asked a question, they rarely answer it with a straight yes and no reply. Instead, they use the question as a starting point for what they want to say. That’s because politicians, like parents, don’t want to risk getting caught in their own lies, contradictions, and hypocrisy. When you’re already on top, why risk screwing up and soiling your reputation?

That’s why we should make it a law that all politicians have to give straightforward yes and no answers before they launch into their bombastic speech that has nothing to do with the question at hand. It’s pointless to ask a politician a straightforward question because they’ll never answer it. As a kid, they probably had a conversation that went something like this:

Mom: Did you break that lamp?

Kid: The lamp that you’re referring to is fragile because the company making the lamp used cheap materials. That’s why I’m pushing for a law that gives workers more rights to higher wages based on the profitability of the corporation so that corporate executives can no longer plunder a corporate treasury for their own benefit.

Mom: Is it too late to have an abortion now?

The next time you see a politician avoiding answering a question, look to see what he or she really wants to say. Then look at what they’re not saying.

Of course, it’s far easier just to ignore politicians altogether since voting has little effect on their actions compared to the massive lobbying that special interest groups can exert on them on a daily basis with costly gifts and promises of voter support.

The next time you have to talk to a politician, don’t give up until you get a straightforward yes or no reply to your question. Chances are good you’ll be asking questions forever.

The Philosophy of Laziness

Take one person who has been tortured by his government, witnessed his entire family massacred by death squads, and toss that traumatized person in a country where he doesn’t know the language, the culture, or anyone in the entire nation. What are this person’s chances of success?

Now take the same person, raise him in a comfortable middle-class home, give him decent set of parents, plenty of food, clean water, and access to education, and set him loose in the same country where he knows the language, the culture, and many of the people. What are the chances this person will succeed?

Somewhat ironically, the first person, who doesn’t know the language or culture, often has a greater chance for success than someone born with all the advantages of a rich country. Just look at many of your own relatives to witness blatant failure on a capital scale right in front of your face. If racists think their particular race is the superior one, they haven’t been to their own family reunions yet.

Within a few years, immigrants come to America, learn English, start their own businesses, and often become millionaires. Within that same time period, Americans born in this country graduate from school, whine about not finding a job, complain about the politicians in office, and wind up working menial jobs for the immigrant who didn’t know English just a few short years ago.

How does this happen? While it’s easy to believe that most people are stupid, the simple answer is that most people are stupid. Not only that, but they’re also lazy with an entitlement mentality that says life should be easy and lucrative for them just because they exist. These are the same people who still believe in the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, and that voting actually matters in a democracy like America.

Given the massive handicap of not speaking English and not knowing the culture, you would think immigrants would be forever hampered and trapped in poverty for the rest of their lives. Yet it’s often Americans born in this country who remain forever trapped in poverty and mediocrity for the rest of their lives. How do so many Americans throw away their advantage living in a land of opportunity? The answer is simple. Most people are stupid.

Just visit any public area and you can witness mass stupidity in action on a daily basis. Look at the person shopping for fancy clothes to look good while completely neglecting the idea of developing their own personality into something more pleasant. Look at the person who spends money as a way to feel satisfied with their lives while ignoring the real problems in their world. Look at the person whose retirement plan consists of playing the lottery until they win. Given these vast numbers of stupid people, you would think the United States military would have no trouble finding people fully qualified to work as involuntary suicide bombers.

The truth is that success comes to those who actively work for it. Just because you were born in a country doesn’t mean you’ll actually take advantage of your native language and make a success of yourself. Given a choice between being tortured in their home country or taking a chance to work hard in America, it’s easy to see why immigrants succeed so often.

Given a choice between working a job or watching TV, it’s easy to see why so many lazy people prefer watching TV instead of actually doing anything productive with their lives. The reason for this? People are stupid.

So if Americans really want to find success in their lives, they should sneak across the border to Mexico, teach themselves Spanish, work as maids or gardeners, and within a few short years, they’ll master Spanish, run their own business, and become millionaires before their friends back home can graduate from school with a D- grade point average.

The path to success is easy. Just cross a border illegally and work your butt off to survive. I wonder why so many high school students don’t want do that simple step to achieve success in their lives?

Making Stupid Choices

Imagine waking up one day and finding a man pointing a gun at your head. He gives you two choices. First, you can walk out the door and there’s a chance if he shoots you, he’ll miss and you’ll get away. Second, you can sit still, do nothing, and get a 100% chance he’ll shoot you in the forehead and kill you. What would you do?

Surprisingly, when given a choice between certain death or a chance at escape, most people would sit still, whine and complain at how unfair life can be, cower in fear at the uncertainty that getting up and running out the door might bring to their lives, and wind up taking the bullet to the forehead. That just shows that most people deserve a bullet to the forehead if they’re too stupid to save themselves.

While this choice might sound silly, it highlights the fact that humans make all kinds of unwise decisions that hurt themselves in the long run. Everyone knows cigarettes are bad for you. Even long-time chain smokers know this. Yet they continue smoking anyway. Why? Because it’s easier not to change and suffer the consequences later rather than change and suffer the uncomfortableness now.

So given a choice between uncertainty now or certain failure tomorrow, most people are happier choosing certain failure. This is the reason why democracies don’t work because when the majority of the people are stupid, they can make stupid decisions together. Just ask all those Germans how well their democratic elections worked out when they all thought Hitler had the solution to their problems.

The smartest people are those willing to admit they may not be so smart after all. The dumbest people are those who believe they’re smart and don’t need to do anything to change. The irrationality of the human race might be why intelligent beings from other planets are smart enough never to make contact with humans in the first place.

Look at people around you and you can find plenty of people who make poor choices from the alcoholic wetting himself while sleeping on the sidewalk to the rich lawyer who lies and cheats his way to the top, only to get mad when his wife cheats on him with someone else. People are stupid when they don’t think, but amazingly brilliant when they make an effort to think.

Which type of person do you want to be? If you have to think about your answer, chances are good you already know what choices you’ve already made.

A Story From the Past

When looking at the future, it’s always instructional to look back to the past. When you understand history, you can see where the present has come from and where it’s likely to go if history repeats itself again.

With that in mind, here’s a story from the Bush era when Osama Bin Laden was actually alive and George W. Bush was actually acknowledged as a Republican by GOP political candidates:

 

CHARACTERS

Annnouncer

White House Aide

George W. Bush

Michael Chertoff – secretary of homeland security

Condezzella Rice – secretary of

Osama Bin Laden

 

ANNOUNCER –  And now it’s time for the news.

The following events took place August 10th, 2006.

News of a terrorist plot targeting airplanes in the United Kingdom hits Washington, DC.

WHITE HOUSE AIDE – Mr. President, we just received news of a terrorist plot targeting airplanes in the United Kingdom.

BUSH – Are you sure?

WHITE HOUSE AIDE – Yes sir.  It was on CNN.

BUSH – Then it must be true. Send in the Marines. We have to protect Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck at all costs.

WHITE HOUSE AIDE – Sir, I believe you’re thinking about the Magic Kingdom. The terrorist plot was against the United Kingdom. You know, that place where people talk funny.

BUSH – Oh, I thought that was Texas. Isn’t that where Osama bin Laden’s been hiding.

WHITE HOUSE AIDE- Last I heard he was playing golf up at Camp David.

BUSH- Camp David?

WHITE HOUSE AIDE- Yes, your recreational retreat in Maryland.

BUSH- Is that the name of it? I always called it my “happy place”.

WHITE HOUSE AIDE- Sir, do you want me to get Mike Chertoff?

BUSH- No, I want the Secretary of Homeland Security. .

WHITE HOUSE AIDE- Sir, Mr. Chertoff IS the Secretary of Homeland Security.

BUSH- Don’t argue. Bring him here. (Under his breath) Morons. I’m working with morons.

CHERTOFF – You wanted to see me Mr. President?

BUSH- Yes, what can you tell me about the terrorist threats in England?

CHERTOFF – I haven’t heard anything about that sir. My cable got shut off and I don’t have CNN.

BUSH – Ok, find a TV set, take notes of everything that is happening, then report back to me. I want to be the first one to know.

CHERTOFF – You mean after CNN, right sir?

BUSH- Of course. After CNN. Where’s Conduwesa Rice?

WHITE HOUSE AIDE- you mean Condoleezza?

BUSH- That’s what I said. Conduwesa. Anyway, where’s Conny?

RICE – Right here sir. I’ve been following this terrorist threat closely on CNN.

BUSH – Good. What do they think?

RICE – They think that Osama bin Laden may be behind this.

BUSH- Impossible. I was playing poker with him last night.

RICE – Sir, he could have planned it weeks in advance.

BUSH- He has that kind of foresight? He must be a genius.

RICE- Do you think we should call him?

BUSH- Yes, get him on the phone. He’s staying at Camp Jason.

RICE – You mean David.

BUSH- Yes, that what I said. (Under his breath) I’m working with morons. Complete and utter morons.

PHONE CALL WITH OSAMA –

OSAMA- Hello? This is Osama. Who is speaking?

BUSH- Hey O, it’s George with Conny. We’ve got a problem.

OSAMA – Do you need me to release another video to boost your ratings in the polls?

BUSH- No, no. Did you hear about the bomb scare on CNN this morning?

OSAMA- No. I watch MSNBC.

BUSH- That’s too bad. You should watch CNN.

OSAMA – That’s what everybody says.

RICE – How do we know he’s telling the truth? Osama, are you sure you don’t know anything?

OSAHA- Conny. Conny dear. Would I ever lie to my friends?

BUSH – Do you pinky swear?

OSAMA- Of course. I pinky swear that I had nothing to do with.

BUSH- Well, that’s good enough for me.

RICE- Yeah me too. You can’t go against a pinky swear.

BUSH- So we don’t know who did it, do we?

RICE- Nope. And we won’t know until CNN tells us.

BUSH – Wait a minute. I have an idea!

RICE – Calm yourself, Mr. President. The last time you had an idea, you had a headache for a week.

BUSH – This time it’s different. Follow me on this one. The people responsible aren’t taking responsibility for this, right?

RICE – That’s right.

BUSH – So if the people responsible for this aren’t taking responsibility, that can mean only one thing.

RICE – What’s that?

BUSH – These people should be working for me!

RICE – I’ll get right on it, Mr. President!

BUSH – And get Osama back on the phone again. Ask him to release another video. We need to keep people in this country good and scared.

The Loss of Comedic Talent

In just one year, we’ve lost two great comedians, Robin Williams and Joan Rivers. Whatever you think of either comedian, the fact is that they greatly influenced many people and brought joy and laughter to people for decades. Other people might have induced people to laughter, but they often did it unintentionally as in the case of George W. Bush trying to sound intelligent or Bill Clinton trying to sound honest.

While many people look at death as a time of sadness, it’s also a time to celebrate their lives as well. Despite their personal issues, both Robin Williams and Joan Rivers lived an exciting and rich life. Ignoring the financial rewards that Robin Williams often snorted up his nose like many Hollywood celebrities, both Robin Williams and Joan Rivers shows what happens when you live life on your own terms. Despite the money and fame, both comedians had their critics who absolutely despised everything they did.

That just goes to show you that no matter what you do, someone will always criticize you for what you did or didn’t do. That also goes to show you that when critics die, nobody cares about them in the same way that the deaths of Robin Williams and Joan Rivers emotionally touched people.

If you want to play it safe in life, you can sit on the sidelines, hurl tomatoes and insults from the sidelines, and pretend you’re important while the real important people are out in the spotlight making mistakes, revealing their flaws, and living their dreams.

Who would you rather be? A live, useless critic who has no talent other than tearing down the dreams of others? Or someone who died far too soon and left the world while still pursuing their dreams and change the world?

If you have to think about the answer to that question, you’re probably a critic who delights in tearing down others to make yourself look better, so do everyone a favor and go into politics.

Your Government in Action

Your Government in Action: An Interview with a Postal Worker

ANNCR: There are many heroes in this world but many of them often go unsung and unnoticed. Specifically, we’re talking about the many civil service workers who don’t get the recognition they deserve. So to change that situation, we’re offering a segment that we call “Your Government in Action.” Tonight, we’re talking with Mr. Duncan Smith, who works at our very own post office. Good evening, Mr. Smith, and welcome to our show.

SMITH: Thank you. I’m always glad for a chance to educate the public about our wonderful postal system.

ANNCR: Perhaps you could start by dispelling some of the common myths people might have about the post office.

SMITH: I’d be glad to. First of all, many people get the wrong idea that all postal employees are armed maniacs ready to explode at the touch of a button. That simply is not true. The post office is one of the safest places to work. Why the other day, a man tried to rob one of our postal clerks. Fortunately, he didn’t get away with it because he wound up getting shot over 300 times by all the disgruntled postal workers in the building.

ANNCR: I’m sure the thought that every postal worker could be packing heat will make our listeners feel safer the next time they visit a post office. Are there any other misconceptions the public may have about the post office?

SMITH: Yes! Many people believe that the post office is dependent on government subsidies every year, but the postal system actually makes a profit, mostly through the sale of stamps.

ANNCR: Are you referring to stamps that you sell to collectors?

SMITH: Not only to collectors but to the general public as well. One of our biggest money-makers is the sale of stamps by mail. Every time someone orders stamps by mail, we charge them postage by canceling every stamp that they’ve purchased. So essentially we’re selling them sheets of cancelled stamps that are absolutely worthless.

ANNCR: I can certainly see the financial advantages of ripping off the public. I know the post office often sells stamps for certain holidays, which later become collector’s items. Can you tell us a little about that?

SMITH: Certainly. One of our best-selling stamps of all time shows nothing more than a middle finger and the letters F and U underneath. These stamps are especially popular on April 15th when people need to mail in their income taxes although they’re also popular with many men who need to mail their alimony payments to their ex-wives every month.

ANNCR: Well, you’ve certainly enlightened us about how our postal system really works. Can you give us any tips about how we can help speed our mail through the postal system?

SMITH: Many people believe that priority or registered mail is the safest way to speed delivery but in fact, a little bribery wouldn’t hurt once in a while. You’ll be surprised at how much faster your letter can be sent if you offer a little bribe money to everyone from the postal clerks and mail carriers all the way up to the sorters and truck drivers.

ANNCR: Thank you Mr. Smith for your enlightening insights on our postal system. Until next time, you’ve been listening to “Your Government in Action.”

The Importance of Backups

For some odd reason, this site crashed a while ago and wiped out most of the files associated with this blog. Although I had some backups, I’ve been slowly rebuilding this site back to its original format, which brings me to the subject of backups.

In the computer world, the general mantra is to save everything, make copies of everything, and backup your data. In other words, computers are so unreliable that you can never trust them to do what they’re supposed to do — sort of like raising children.

So the lesson is to always backup your data. Unlike children, you want multiple copies of your data stored in separate locations while with children, you often wonder why you created them in the first place and the last thing you want is for multiple copies to be running around where you can’t see them in one location.

What does our inherent distrust of computers preserving our data mean? Besides the fact that our world is run by computers and we can’t seem to trust them longer than a few minutes before we’re frantically pressing the Save key, this means that for all our technical wizardry and awe of the latest gadgets, deep down we don’t trust our own creations to work right all the time.

People probably have more faith in the automotive industry than the computer industry because few people worry about buying two cars just in case their first car doesn’t start in the morning. Considering the massive recalls that General Motors has gone through with their ignition switch fiasco, this either means we have more faith in the automotive industry or that we have so little faith in the computer industry that the prospect of driving a faulty GM car seems more appealing than trusting our data to a personal computer.

Where else do we have backups in our lives? If you’re a big celebrity like Arnold Schwarzenegger, you probably have a mistress on the side as a backup to your wife. If you’re a major athlete like LeBron James, you have the Cleveland Cavaliers as a backup when prospects start dimming with the Miami Heat. If you’re a controversial political figure like Sarah Palin, you probably have multiple aides to back up your brain when you can’t think of a coherent idea to say on your own.

The point is that in nearly all aspects of our lives, we have backups because we have so little trust and faith in life in general. Life insurance is a form of back ups in protecting our lives, although what it really does is insure that the people around us have a good life in case we die, which actually gives them an incentive to see you die as quickly as possible so they can find someone else to spend their life with while enjoying the money from your death.

Backups are a way of life, yet we too often ignore them, such as with computer data. The time to back up anything important is now. Unless, of course, you don’t have time to do so until disaster strikes, which is no different than the way our government tends to work, so you can rest assured you’re in good company if you don’t have the time to create backups.

The World According to Ann Coulter

Ann Coulter recently decided to share her opinion about soccer for the rest of the world to share. Basically she said “Any growing interest in soccer can only be a sign of the nation’s moral decay.” Of course Ann Coulter ignores the idea that people who like her may also be a sign of this nation’s moral decay.

When you read what Ann Coulter says, you have to wonder if she’s just joking around or if she actually believes what she says. If she’s joking to fool everything into thinking she’s an ultra-conservative pundit when she’s really not, then she’s got Stephen Colbert beat by a landslide.

However if she actually believes what she says, then you have to wonder not only about the function of her own brain activity but the mental stability of people who agree with her.

There’s nothing wrong with someone like Ann Coulter spouting off her ignorance about something as seemingly harmless as soccer. What is wrong is when someone like Ann Coulter would feel perfectly at home with the Taliban if she were born in the Middle East and happened to be a man.

Ann Coulter makes a ton of money selling books and giving speeches to people who support her point of view. Then again, Hitler made money selling books and giving speeches to people who supported his point of view as well, so who says there aren’t opportunities for white people any more? In the realm of oppressive dictatorships and megalomaniac egos, it’s refreshing to see that countries like North Korea, Cuba, China, and Russia don’t have a monopoly when the United States can trot out Ann Coulter as the American symbol of bigotry, intolerance, and hatred.

Perhaps if Ann Coulter were a man and grew up in North Korea, her name would be Kim Jung-un. Or if she were a man and grew up in Russia, her name would have been Joseph Stalin. Then again if Ann Coulter were cloned as a man and grew up in the United States, she could rape herself.

Only someone like Ann Coulter could see soccer as a way to insult and demean a large part of the rest of the world. For someone who wants to find a way to stay in the public spotlight, Ann Coulter knows exactly which buttons to push to get the most attention. What’s sad isn’t that people like Ann Coulter exist, but that people exist who actually like and support her point of view.

For every Hitler in the world, there’s an army of anonymous cowards who would love nothing more than to hide behind the facade of a real leader and use that as an excuse to unleash their own reign of terror on others. Ann Coulter may be like Hitler, but the real threat are the anonymous people who support and embrace her point of view.

An Interview with a Racist President From the Future

Dog breeders know that the more inbreeding you have among dogs, the more genetic problems you’ll have. Anyone can see the problems of inbreeding, anyone except racists who continue to spout the desirability of purity of race. Why would racists advocate racial purity when that basically means inbreeding? Why do racists hate people of other races, yet can’t even get along with their own relatives who are the same race as they are?

Basically, racists look for simple answers to complex problems and feel comforted by knowing the “answer” without bothering to look at the question. Since we have racists owning NBA teams and racists running major corporations, what would happen if we had a racist in the White House?

To answer that question, we’ve gone forward in the future using time travel and interviewed the first white racist elected president of the United States who openly campaigned on the basis of white supremacy.

ME: As the first white supremacist elected as president, what’s your first reaction to your situation?

PRESIDENT: First of all, I’m living in a White House. That’s hidden racism that people have overlooked for decades, especially when Washington D.C. remains one of the poorest and most dangerous neighborhoods in the country right in the capital of the richest, most powerful country in the world. If people can’t see the blatant racism that condemns so many blacks to poverty and second-class status right in the shadow of their own government, then they haven’t been looking very hard.

ME: As the first confirmed white racist in the Oval Office, what will be your first goal?

PRESIDENT: Naturally I plan to further the agenda of white supremacists, which involves cheering for the US Olympic track team when they win gold medals while pretending that they’re not really black. If we had white runners, the United States would win as many gold medals in the 100 meter dash as Norway and Sweden combined, which is a big fat zero. So as the supreme white racist, I’ll make it a law that it’s illegal to look at contradictions between white supremacy propaganda and reality. Fortunately, most white supremacists do that anyway, so that won’t be any hardship on their part.

ME: As a white supremacist, how do you plan to handle foreign affairs with other countries that may consist of non-white people?

PRESIDENT: I don’t plan on doing anything differently than my predecessors, which means any time a non-white nation doesn’t do what we want, we’ll either bomb them, invade them, or secretly prop up a dictatorship in their country to do our bidding while their people suffer. Again, like I said, this isn’t anything different than what previous presidents have done.

ME: What will be your national agenda?

PRESIDENT: Of course I’ll pass laws that support the status quo and keep old, white men in power. Again, that basically means doing what all my predecessors did because have you seen a picture of all the members of Congress? If that doesn’t look like an ad for white people who need both Viagra and adult diapers, I don’t know what does.

ME: So you’re saying you won’t do anything differently because government is already slanted towards maintaining white supremacy anyway?

PRESIDENT: I didn’t say I wouldn’t do anything differently. I said I’d just maintain the same policies that my predecessors followed that still supported white power in ways that people have already come to accept. What I will do differently is that I’ll openly acknowledge the fact that the government is controlled by old white men who only care for looking after the interests of other old white men. That’s a huge difference between my administration and others that tried to ignore this issue.

ME: Wow, you do sound like a breath of fresh air in one form or another. One final question. How can you openly proclaim white power while refusing to acknowledge the many positive contributions to society that non-white people have been responsible for?

PRESIDENT: There’s no contradiction at all in my mind, but then again I’m a product of decade-long inbreeding anyway so what would I know? As a white supremacist, I have no problems with non-whites inventing great products or solving massive problems. I just want white people to be in control of all the money and power even if they don’t have a monopoly on intelligence. What could be more fair than that since that’s the way this country works anyway?

ME: I have to admit I wasn’t quite sure how a white supremacist would do in the White House, but I have to say that you really are more honest than any of the other presidents and I wish you the best of luck on your future political career that makes yourself look good at the expense of the nation.

PRESIDENT: Like I said, I’m not doing anything differently than anyone else, so thank you for that fine compliment and I’ll be sure to pass along the favor to your white overlord who will take credit and profits from everything you do. Good night!

The Astonishing Revelations of Edward Snowden

When Edward Snowden leaked out information about the NSA and U.S. government spying, people were shocked. They had no idea that the government would spy on its own citizens or that corporations would cooperate with the government to help spy on American citizens.

So to help you fully understand the severe nature of Edward Snowden’s leaks regarding government spying on its own people, here’s a list of other secrets he revealed beyond the information the news media listed:

More Amazing and Revealing Leaks from Edward Snowden

  • Water is wet
  • Fire is hot
  • Gravity makes things fall to the ground
  • The government wastes most of the money they take from the tax payers
  • Politicians are corrupt
  • The rich influence politicians to pass laws that favor the rich at the expense of everyone else
  • If you have money, you get more justice from the justice system than a poor person
  • Racism still exists
  • Buying drugs from the drug cartels supports their activities in killing and extorting others
  • CEOs make obscene amounts of money for doing relatively little but taking credit for a lot
  • Pornography exists on the Internet
  • People prefer reality TV over actual reality

As you can see from this extensive, previously unleaked list, Edward Snowden has completely opened our eyes to facts that we didn’t know could possibly be true. Who knew that our own government would spy on us or that corporations would aid them in the process while remaining silent on the matter? Now that you’ve seen what other secrets Edward Snowden revealed, you can see how serious its revelations really can be in harming national security. After all, if people are made aware of the obvious, they can no longer pretend to cling to the fantasies the government tries to foist on the public to keep them complacent and happy.

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