An Interview with a Racist President From the Future

Dog breeders know that the more inbreeding you have among dogs, the more genetic problems you’ll have. Anyone can see the problems of inbreeding, anyone except racists who continue to spout the desirability of purity of race. Why would racists advocate racial purity when that basically means inbreeding? Why do racists hate people of other races, yet can’t even get along with their own relatives who are the same race as they are?

Basically, racists look for simple answers to complex problems and feel comforted by knowing the “answer” without bothering to look at the question. Since we have racists owning NBA teams and racists running major corporations, what would happen if we had a racist in the White House?

To answer that question, we’ve gone forward in the future using time travel and interviewed the first white racist elected president of the United States who openly campaigned on the basis of white supremacy.

ME: As the first white supremacist elected as president, what’s your first reaction to your situation?

PRESIDENT: First of all, I’m living in a White House. That’s hidden racism that people have overlooked for decades, especially when Washington D.C. remains one of the poorest and most dangerous neighborhoods in the country right in the capital of the richest, most powerful country in the world. If people can’t see the blatant racism that condemns so many blacks to poverty and second-class status right in the shadow of their own government, then they haven’t been looking very hard.

ME: As the first confirmed white racist in the Oval Office, what will be your first goal?

PRESIDENT: Naturally I plan to further the agenda of white supremacists, which involves cheering for the US Olympic track team when they win gold medals while pretending that they’re not really black. If we had white runners, the United States would win as many gold medals in the 100 meter dash as Norway and Sweden combined, which is a big fat zero. So as the supreme white racist, I’ll make it a law that it’s illegal to look at contradictions between white supremacy propaganda and reality. Fortunately, most white supremacists do that anyway, so that won’t be any hardship on their part.

ME: As a white supremacist, how do you plan to handle foreign affairs with other countries that may consist of non-white people?

PRESIDENT: I don’t plan on doing anything differently than my predecessors, which means any time a non-white nation doesn’t do what we want, we’ll either bomb them, invade them, or secretly prop up a dictatorship in their country to do our bidding while their people suffer. Again, like I said, this isn’t anything different than what previous presidents have done.

ME: What will be your national agenda?

PRESIDENT: Of course I’ll pass laws that support the status quo and keep old, white men in power. Again, that basically means doing what all my predecessors did because have you seen a picture of all the members of Congress? If that doesn’t look like an ad for white people who need both Viagra and adult diapers, I don’t know what does.

ME: So you’re saying you won’t do anything differently because government is already slanted towards maintaining white supremacy anyway?

PRESIDENT: I didn’t say I wouldn’t do anything differently. I said I’d just maintain the same policies that my predecessors followed that still supported white power in ways that people have already come to accept. What I will do differently is that I’ll openly acknowledge the fact that the government is controlled by old white men who only care for looking after the interests of other old white men. That’s a huge difference between my administration and others that tried to ignore this issue.

ME: Wow, you do sound like a breath of fresh air in one form or another. One final question. How can you openly proclaim white power while refusing to acknowledge the many positive contributions to society that non-white people have been responsible for?

PRESIDENT: There’s no contradiction at all in my mind, but then again I’m a product of decade-long inbreeding anyway so what would I know? As a white supremacist, I have no problems with non-whites inventing great products or solving massive problems. I just want white people to be in control of all the money and power even if they don’t have a monopoly on intelligence. What could be more fair than that since that’s the way this country works anyway?

ME: I have to admit I wasn’t quite sure how a white supremacist would do in the White House, but I have to say that you really are more honest than any of the other presidents and I wish you the best of luck on your future political career that makes yourself look good at the expense of the nation.

PRESIDENT: Like I said, I’m not doing anything differently than anyone else, so thank you for that fine compliment and I’ll be sure to pass along the favor to your white overlord who will take credit and profits from everything you do. Good night!