Your Government in Action

Your Government in Action: An Interview with a Postal Worker

ANNCR: There are many heroes in this world but many of them often go unsung and unnoticed. Specifically, we’re talking about the many civil service workers who don’t get the recognition they deserve. So to change that situation, we’re offering a segment that we call “Your Government in Action.” Tonight, we’re talking with Mr. Duncan Smith, who works at our very own post office. Good evening, Mr. Smith, and welcome to our show.

SMITH: Thank you. I’m always glad for a chance to educate the public about our wonderful postal system.

ANNCR: Perhaps you could start by dispelling some of the common myths people might have about the post office.

SMITH: I’d be glad to. First of all, many people get the wrong idea that all postal employees are armed maniacs ready to explode at the touch of a button. That simply is not true. The post office is one of the safest places to work. Why the other day, a man tried to rob one of our postal clerks. Fortunately, he didn’t get away with it because he wound up getting shot over 300 times by all the disgruntled postal workers in the building.

ANNCR: I’m sure the thought that every postal worker could be packing heat will make our listeners feel safer the next time they visit a post office. Are there any other misconceptions the public may have about the post office?

SMITH: Yes! Many people believe that the post office is dependent on government subsidies every year, but the postal system actually makes a profit, mostly through the sale of stamps.

ANNCR: Are you referring to stamps that you sell to collectors?

SMITH: Not only to collectors but to the general public as well. One of our biggest money-makers is the sale of stamps by mail. Every time someone orders stamps by mail, we charge them postage by canceling every stamp that they’ve purchased. So essentially we’re selling them sheets of cancelled stamps that are absolutely worthless.

ANNCR: I can certainly see the financial advantages of ripping off the public. I know the post office often sells stamps for certain holidays, which later become collector’s items. Can you tell us a little about that?

SMITH: Certainly. One of our best-selling stamps of all time shows nothing more than a middle finger and the letters F and U underneath. These stamps are especially popular on April 15th when people need to mail in their income taxes although they’re also popular with many men who need to mail their alimony payments to their ex-wives every month.

ANNCR: Well, you’ve certainly enlightened us about how our postal system really works. Can you give us any tips about how we can help speed our mail through the postal system?

SMITH: Many people believe that priority or registered mail is the safest way to speed delivery but in fact, a little bribery wouldn’t hurt once in a while. You’ll be surprised at how much faster your letter can be sent if you offer a little bribe money to everyone from the postal clerks and mail carriers all the way up to the sorters and truck drivers.

ANNCR: Thank you Mr. Smith for your enlightening insights on our postal system. Until next time, you’ve been listening to “Your Government in Action.”

The Importance of Backups

For some odd reason, this site crashed a while ago and wiped out most of the files associated with this blog. Although I had some backups, I’ve been slowly rebuilding this site back to its original format, which brings me to the subject of backups.

In the computer world, the general mantra is to save everything, make copies of everything, and backup your data. In other words, computers are so unreliable that you can never trust them to do what they’re supposed to do — sort of like raising children.

So the lesson is to always backup your data. Unlike children, you want multiple copies of your data stored in separate locations while with children, you often wonder why you created them in the first place and the last thing you want is for multiple copies to be running around where you can’t see them in one location.

What does our inherent distrust of computers preserving our data mean? Besides the fact that our world is run by computers and we can’t seem to trust them longer than a few minutes before we’re frantically pressing the Save key, this means that for all our technical wizardry and awe of the latest gadgets, deep down we don’t trust our own creations to work right all the time.

People probably have more faith in the automotive industry than the computer industry because few people worry about buying two cars just in case their first car doesn’t start in the morning. Considering the massive recalls that General Motors has gone through with their ignition switch fiasco, this either means we have more faith in the automotive industry or that we have so little faith in the computer industry that the prospect of driving a faulty GM car seems more appealing than trusting our data to a personal computer.

Where else do we have backups in our lives? If you’re a big celebrity like Arnold Schwarzenegger, you probably have a mistress on the side as a backup to your wife. If you’re a major athlete like LeBron James, you have the Cleveland Cavaliers as a backup when prospects start dimming with the Miami Heat. If you’re a controversial political figure like Sarah Palin, you probably have multiple aides to back up your brain when you can’t think of a coherent idea to say on your own.

The point is that in nearly all aspects of our lives, we have backups because we have so little trust and faith in life in general. Life insurance is a form of back ups in protecting our lives, although what it really does is insure that the people around us have a good life in case we die, which actually gives them an incentive to see you die as quickly as possible so they can find someone else to spend their life with while enjoying the money from your death.

Backups are a way of life, yet we too often ignore them, such as with computer data. The time to back up anything important is now. Unless, of course, you don’t have time to do so until disaster strikes, which is no different than the way our government tends to work, so you can rest assured you’re in good company if you don’t have the time to create backups.

The World According to Ann Coulter

Ann Coulter recently decided to share her opinion about soccer for the rest of the world to share. Basically she said “Any growing interest in soccer can only be a sign of the nation’s moral decay.” Of course Ann Coulter ignores the idea that people who like her may also be a sign of this nation’s moral decay.

When you read what Ann Coulter says, you have to wonder if she’s just joking around or if she actually believes what she says. If she’s joking to fool everything into thinking she’s an ultra-conservative pundit when she’s really not, then she’s got Stephen Colbert beat by a landslide.

However if she actually believes what she says, then you have to wonder not only about the function of her own brain activity but the mental stability of people who agree with her.

There’s nothing wrong with someone like Ann Coulter spouting off her ignorance about something as seemingly harmless as soccer. What is wrong is when someone like Ann Coulter would feel perfectly at home with the Taliban if she were born in the Middle East and happened to be a man.

Ann Coulter makes a ton of money selling books and giving speeches to people who support her point of view. Then again, Hitler made money selling books and giving speeches to people who supported his point of view as well, so who says there aren’t opportunities for white people any more? In the realm of oppressive dictatorships and megalomaniac egos, it’s refreshing to see that countries like North Korea, Cuba, China, and Russia don’t have a monopoly when the United States can trot out Ann Coulter as the American symbol of bigotry, intolerance, and hatred.

Perhaps if Ann Coulter were a man and grew up in North Korea, her name would be Kim Jung-un. Or if she were a man and grew up in Russia, her name would have been Joseph Stalin. Then again if Ann Coulter were cloned as a man and grew up in the United States, she could rape herself.

Only someone like Ann Coulter could see soccer as a way to insult and demean a large part of the rest of the world. For someone who wants to find a way to stay in the public spotlight, Ann Coulter knows exactly which buttons to push to get the most attention. What’s sad isn’t that people like Ann Coulter exist, but that people exist who actually like and support her point of view.

For every Hitler in the world, there’s an army of anonymous cowards who would love nothing more than to hide behind the facade of a real leader and use that as an excuse to unleash their own reign of terror on others. Ann Coulter may be like Hitler, but the real threat are the anonymous people who support and embrace her point of view.