Your Government in Action

Your Government in Action: An Interview with a Postal Worker

ANNCR: There are many heroes in this world but many of them often go unsung and unnoticed. Specifically, we’re talking about the many civil service workers who don’t get the recognition they deserve. So to change that situation, we’re offering a segment that we call “Your Government in Action.” Tonight, we’re talking with Mr. Duncan Smith, who works at our very own post office. Good evening, Mr. Smith, and welcome to our show.

SMITH: Thank you. I’m always glad for a chance to educate the public about our wonderful postal system.

ANNCR: Perhaps you could start by dispelling some of the common myths people might have about the post office.

SMITH: I’d be glad to. First of all, many people get the wrong idea that all postal employees are armed maniacs ready to explode at the touch of a button. That simply is not true. The post office is one of the safest places to work. Why the other day, a man tried to rob one of our postal clerks. Fortunately, he didn’t get away with it because he wound up getting shot over 300 times by all the disgruntled postal workers in the building.

ANNCR: I’m sure the thought that every postal worker could be packing heat will make our listeners feel safer the next time they visit a post office. Are there any other misconceptions the public may have about the post office?

SMITH: Yes! Many people believe that the post office is dependent on government subsidies every year, but the postal system actually makes a profit, mostly through the sale of stamps.

ANNCR: Are you referring to stamps that you sell to collectors?

SMITH: Not only to collectors but to the general public as well. One of our biggest money-makers is the sale of stamps by mail. Every time someone orders stamps by mail, we charge them postage by canceling every stamp that they’ve purchased. So essentially we’re selling them sheets of cancelled stamps that are absolutely worthless.

ANNCR: I can certainly see the financial advantages of ripping off the public. I know the post office often sells stamps for certain holidays, which later become collector’s items. Can you tell us a little about that?

SMITH: Certainly. One of our best-selling stamps of all time shows nothing more than a middle finger and the letters F and U underneath. These stamps are especially popular on April 15th when people need to mail in their income taxes although they’re also popular with many men who need to mail their alimony payments to their ex-wives every month.

ANNCR: Well, you’ve certainly enlightened us about how our postal system really works. Can you give us any tips about how we can help speed our mail through the postal system?

SMITH: Many people believe that priority or registered mail is the safest way to speed delivery but in fact, a little bribery wouldn’t hurt once in a while. You’ll be surprised at how much faster your letter can be sent if you offer a little bribe money to everyone from the postal clerks and mail carriers all the way up to the sorters and truck drivers.

ANNCR: Thank you Mr. Smith for your enlightening insights on our postal system. Until next time, you’ve been listening to “Your Government in Action.”