A Story From the Past

When looking at the future, it’s always instructional to look back to the past. When you understand history, you can see where the present has come from and where it’s likely to go if history repeats itself again.

With that in mind, here’s a story from the Bush era when Osama Bin Laden was actually alive and George W. Bush was actually acknowledged as a Republican by GOP political candidates:

 

CHARACTERS

Annnouncer

White House Aide

George W. Bush

Michael Chertoff – secretary of homeland security

Condezzella Rice – secretary of

Osama Bin Laden

 

ANNOUNCER –  And now it’s time for the news.

The following events took place August 10th, 2006.

News of a terrorist plot targeting airplanes in the United Kingdom hits Washington, DC.

WHITE HOUSE AIDE – Mr. President, we just received news of a terrorist plot targeting airplanes in the United Kingdom.

BUSH – Are you sure?

WHITE HOUSE AIDE – Yes sir.  It was on CNN.

BUSH – Then it must be true. Send in the Marines. We have to protect Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck at all costs.

WHITE HOUSE AIDE – Sir, I believe you’re thinking about the Magic Kingdom. The terrorist plot was against the United Kingdom. You know, that place where people talk funny.

BUSH – Oh, I thought that was Texas. Isn’t that where Osama bin Laden’s been hiding.

WHITE HOUSE AIDE- Last I heard he was playing golf up at Camp David.

BUSH- Camp David?

WHITE HOUSE AIDE- Yes, your recreational retreat in Maryland.

BUSH- Is that the name of it? I always called it my “happy place”.

WHITE HOUSE AIDE- Sir, do you want me to get Mike Chertoff?

BUSH- No, I want the Secretary of Homeland Security. .

WHITE HOUSE AIDE- Sir, Mr. Chertoff IS the Secretary of Homeland Security.

BUSH- Don’t argue. Bring him here. (Under his breath) Morons. I’m working with morons.

CHERTOFF – You wanted to see me Mr. President?

BUSH- Yes, what can you tell me about the terrorist threats in England?

CHERTOFF – I haven’t heard anything about that sir. My cable got shut off and I don’t have CNN.

BUSH – Ok, find a TV set, take notes of everything that is happening, then report back to me. I want to be the first one to know.

CHERTOFF – You mean after CNN, right sir?

BUSH- Of course. After CNN. Where’s Conduwesa Rice?

WHITE HOUSE AIDE- you mean Condoleezza?

BUSH- That’s what I said. Conduwesa. Anyway, where’s Conny?

RICE – Right here sir. I’ve been following this terrorist threat closely on CNN.

BUSH – Good. What do they think?

RICE – They think that Osama bin Laden may be behind this.

BUSH- Impossible. I was playing poker with him last night.

RICE – Sir, he could have planned it weeks in advance.

BUSH- He has that kind of foresight? He must be a genius.

RICE- Do you think we should call him?

BUSH- Yes, get him on the phone. He’s staying at Camp Jason.

RICE – You mean David.

BUSH- Yes, that what I said. (Under his breath) I’m working with morons. Complete and utter morons.

PHONE CALL WITH OSAMA –

OSAMA- Hello? This is Osama. Who is speaking?

BUSH- Hey O, it’s George with Conny. We’ve got a problem.

OSAMA – Do you need me to release another video to boost your ratings in the polls?

BUSH- No, no. Did you hear about the bomb scare on CNN this morning?

OSAMA- No. I watch MSNBC.

BUSH- That’s too bad. You should watch CNN.

OSAMA – That’s what everybody says.

RICE – How do we know he’s telling the truth? Osama, are you sure you don’t know anything?

OSAHA- Conny. Conny dear. Would I ever lie to my friends?

BUSH – Do you pinky swear?

OSAMA- Of course. I pinky swear that I had nothing to do with.

BUSH- Well, that’s good enough for me.

RICE- Yeah me too. You can’t go against a pinky swear.

BUSH- So we don’t know who did it, do we?

RICE- Nope. And we won’t know until CNN tells us.

BUSH – Wait a minute. I have an idea!

RICE – Calm yourself, Mr. President. The last time you had an idea, you had a headache for a week.

BUSH – This time it’s different. Follow me on this one. The people responsible aren’t taking responsibility for this, right?

RICE – That’s right.

BUSH – So if the people responsible for this aren’t taking responsibility, that can mean only one thing.

RICE – What’s that?

BUSH – These people should be working for me!

RICE – I’ll get right on it, Mr. President!

BUSH – And get Osama back on the phone again. Ask him to release another video. We need to keep people in this country good and scared.