A Way to Balance the Budget

Every year, Congress complains that they can’t balance the budget while they spend taxpayer money on their own luxury trips around the world, hiring mistresses as private secretaries, and funnel government contracts to friends and relatives while complaining that serving the public is somehow a hardship.

Since the recent Pacquiao/Mayweather fight recently earned close to half a billion dollars, the answer to balancing the budget by raising money is clear. Have pay-per view broadcasts of Congressmen beating the living daylights out of each other.

If Congressmen (and women) are serious about doing everything they can to serve this country, then risking skull fractures, concussions, and broken jaws should be an available option for them as well. Put two Congressmen in a ring and let them beat each other to a bloody pulp. Now regardless of who wins, the public will at least get their money’s worth, the money from pay-per view can go towards balancing the budget, and everyone gets to see their favorite Congressmen get beaten to a pulp live on TV.

To make the action even more exciting, make the fight last until one Congressman is knocked unconscious. To prevent faking injuries, allow the victor to designate a member of the public to rape the unconscious Congressman in the boxing ring after the fight. This will insure that neither Congressman will have an incentive to take a dive to the canvas and end the fight earlier to avoid physical pummeling.

Congressmen say they’re interested in serving the public, so let’s take them at their word and see how interested they are in getting their nose broken to help balance the budget. If they’re not willing to shed a little of their own blood to help make this country better, then obviously they’re not really interested in serving the public. In which case they should be kicked out of office and have their taxpayer funded pension and health care stripped away from them and given to a citizen chosen at random. After all, why should Congressmen get the benefits of taxpayer-funded pensions and health care when the taxpayers themselves don’t get similar benefits?

Perhaps if watching two Congressmen beat each other to a pulp on live TV proves profitable, we could expand this program to include international politicians as well. As long as the only people getting hurt are politicians, that will be a definite improvement from the way the system works by hurting taxpayers today.