If We Hired People the Same Way We Elect Presidents

One of the oddest features of the latest Presidential campaigning is that the most popular candidates are those with the least amount of experience working in government. Candidates touting their “outsider” appeal are basically saying, “I’ve never done this type of job before so therefore I’m best qualified to make the changes we need.”

That’s like hiring someone who knows nothing about plumbing to fix your clogged toilet or hiring someone who knows nothing about electrical wiring to rewire your house.

Nobody in their right mind would hire an unqualified worker in any other field, but when it comes to politics, knowing nothing and having zero experience is somehow an asset while having experience and working in the government is somehow considered a liability.

With that in mind, we can now visit a job interview between two applicants for a brain surgeon in a major hospital.

INTERVIEWER: As you know, this hospital prides itself on hits excellent reputation as the finest medical facility in the world. We’re looking for our next head surgeon who can maintain this hospital’s research and reputation and take it to new places. So first, tell me about yourself.

APPLICANT #1: I’ve been working as a surgeon for the past twenty years and helped Dr. Rubens perform one of the latest artificial kidney operations in the world using techniques that he and I both helped pioneer. I’ve written and published numerous scientific papers about surgery and healing techniques that use light and sound to heal damaged cells at the molecular level, and I’ve volunteered for the past ten years to perform operations in Third World countries absolutely free.

INTERVIEWER: Uh, thanks, but to tell you the truth, we were looking for someone with more radical ideas for changing the way this hospital, and the entire medical community, works. I don’t think you’re the person we have in mind. Next!

APPLICANT #2: I’ve┬ánever used a knife before in all my life because when I rob liquor stores, I only use a gun. I carry a big gun because a big gun scares people and if they et in my way, I blast a hole big enough to put Cleveland in. I never wash my hands because that’s a waste of water, and I don’t trust medicine, surgery, or hospitals. Whatever happened to the old fashion way of draining someone’s bad blood like they did to George Washington? If you drain a person of enough blood, there’s no way their illness can survive. Of course, they might not survive either, but just because someone didn’t work in the past doesn’t mean it can’t work differently in the future. That’s why I think I’m qualified to be the head surgeon of this hospital because I bring an outsider’s point of view. I know nothing about medical practices so I’ll bring fresh ideas. I’ve never worked in a hospital before in my life, so I know how to run a medical institution the right way. I’ve never healed anyone so that means I’m completely qualified to work as a healer in the medical community. I promise to bring change even if those changes make no sense whatsoever because people want to see action, even if those actions do more harm than good. More importantly, I’ll never apologize for my actions or decisions because apologizing is for weak pansies. Everything I do will always be right and if it isn’t, I’ll just keep saying it’s right until you people agree and stop looking at facts to think otherwise.

INTERVIEWER: Well, you’ve certainly proven your point! I believe you have all the necessary qualifications needed to run this medical institution and heal the community with your medical knowledge. Welcome aboard, and if you get tired of running this hospital with no experience of any kind, perhaps you can then move on to run for President of the United States.