How to Pick Up Women Who Support Donald Trump

Donald Trump has made numerous sexist comments about women, yet close to half of all women in America decided to vote for him anyway. That makes as much sense as black people in Louisiana who voted for David Duke, a renown Ku Klux Klan leader.

Since so many American women supported Donald Trump, this opens a huge opportunity for men to pick them up in bars. In the interest in helping men get laid in America, here are some pickup lines you can use on women who support Donald Trump:

  • When you smile, you light up a room faster than napalm dropped on a village in Vietnam.
  • Your skin is softer than the children working in my factories.
  • Are you an angel? Or are you just wearing your Ku Klux Klan hood and robe out in public?

By appealing to a woman’s sense of vanity and support for Donald Trump, you too should have little problem convincing a Donald Trump supporter to go home with you at night.

An Easy Way to Get Into Heaven

If you listen to conservatives, the real solution to all of our problems is to return back to God. By that they mean their God and their way of worshipping their God.

The general consensus is that we’re all going straight to hell unless we follow the rules of God, which basically means always doing good and never getting tempted into evil. If you get tempted into evil, you risk facing God’s wrath and being punished in the afterlife by getting sent straight to hell.

So there are two flaws with someone’s desire to get into heaven. First, getting yourself into heaven is basically a selfish act. You want to save yourself because you think you deserve it, yet a truly unselfish, Christian act would be to give up your place in heaven so someone else can have it instead.

I guess you won’t see too many religious people embracing that idea.

However, a more serious obstacle to getting into heaven is the so-called belief that you must be 100% good all the time and if you stray from the righteous path, you risk going straight to hell. Using that logic, it seems like the fastest and most direct way to hell would be to worship not God, but the devil.

If you become a devil-worshipper, now you must be evil 100% of the time so you can go straight to hell. However, if you do a few good acts in your life, you’ll risk having Satan punish you by sending you straight to heaven.

See how easy that path to heaven can be?

With a God-fearing approach, you have to be good most of the time. With a Satan-worshipping approach, you just have to be good some of the time. Then Satan will punish you in the afterlife by denying you from hell and sending you straight to heaven instead.

So the quickest path to heaven seems to be embracing evil and doing good once in a while — which is exactly what most extreme right-wing (and left-wing) people actually do.

Of course, if those people are going straight to heaven, then it’s far more likely that heaven is really hell, so you really want to go to hell so you won’t have to ever see those people ever again for the rest of your life.

After all, it’s bad enough sharing your life with so many self-righteous people who use religion as an excuse to justify everything from slavery to war, but how would you like to spend an eternity with these same people?

That’s the definition of hell right there, spending an eternity with self-righteous people. If given a choice,┬ámaybe hell doesn’t sound so bad after all.